The following is an adaptation of a newspaper article about building “beer league Canadian hockey teams” in the offseason one of our players sent in. He sent it after I asked for input from a few of you about off season moves we may make to improve next season.
At 0-9 we'll take any advice we can get from this article or from any of you…please take the time to read this through and offer any comments (humorous or otherwise) on your thoughts of improvement in the offseason......
The Ringer
Some teams wait until the playoffs to unveil this option. Others go with it right from the opening faceoff.
Either way, without a ringer, your team is done. The challenge for managers is convincing a good player to suit up for a bad side. This can be accomplished a number of ways, including promises of goal-scoring glory and awe-inspired teammates. Most effective, however, is free hockey (lacrosse). It's simple math, really. Everyone else pays an extra $50 and everyone else gets a shot at the Division-7 (ONELL) title.
The Young Guy
At first glance, he can easily be mistaken for a ringer, since the young guy still wears the shorts and socks of his junior or college team. But it's time for the next phase of life now, and that means an office job. The young guy stays in shape for the first half of the year. Sadly, an
increasingly sedentary existence catches up by Christmas (July). Ten to 20 pounds later, he's just another player, huffing and puffing with the rest. Welcome aboard, kid.
The Old Guy
Forget the 50-and-over league; that's not for him, even though his gloves reach up to his armpits and he still uses a wood stick. To be fair, the old guy can be an effective player, especially if he's a wily old guy -- a hook (slash) here and a chop (moving pick) there, because that's how they did it when professional athletes were real men. "Eddie Shore (Jim Brown) -- now there was a hockey (lacrosse) player! Lost an ear against the Maroons. Sewed it back on himself. Never missed a shift."
The Tardy Goalie
Hey, thanks for showing up. Only five minutes gone in the first. Not like you play a crucial position or anything. Take your time.
The Beginner
Required only for cheap laughs. On the one hand, you have to admire the beginner. It takes a lot of courage to take up hockey (lacrosse) in adulthood. On the other, learn to take a pass, man. It's right on (in) your stick. How does that knock you over? And, now you're offside.
The Complete Psycho
Also good for a few giggles . . . from afar. The complete psycho is capable of anything: running the goalie, challenging an entire bench, a tomahawk chop (stick check) -- all in the repertoire. Do not feed the complete psycho. He doesn't want to be fed. He wants to hunt.
The Naked Guy
Bane of the dressing room (parking lot). Most players have the courtesy to stretch their hamstrings while sporting, at the very least, a bit of underwear. Not the naked guy. He'll carry on full conversations, too, and you'll maintain eye contact like your life depended on it.
The Guy with the New Girlfriend
A good way to lower everyone else's fees is to load up on a few of these. The guy with the new girlfriend will show up to five games, tops, so it's not like you'll lose ice time (shifts) by putting him on the roster. That said, beware that the guy with the new girlfriend might very well turn into the guy with the wife, at which point he'll never miss another game.
I think we should all Congratulate the Winchester Silver Foxes and Atlantic Sportswear Remnants on winning the ONELL Championships…by implementing these suggestions the South Coast Silver Sachems on well on their way to vie for the title in 2009. Yea right, but hope does spring eternal.
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1 comment:
Funny article
In all seriousness, though, other than better conditioning, here are the things that I need to improve in the off-season
1) Improvement in stick skills - by the end of the season, everybody could catch and throw at least one-sided. Few could catch and pass on a dead run. I don't know if it's the age or the long layoff or what, but something there is gone.
2) Dodging & carrying - I remember being able to dodge when I was a kid, but for some reason I just don't do it right anymore, I feel really flat footed/slow. When I was a kid, I was quick, as an age-challenged man, I'm slow. Carrying, I was always sloppy with the one-handed cradle and use the midfielder's cradle too much.
So, to sum it up, in the off-season I need to become stronger, faster and more skillful.
How?
Playing in leagues helps in some things, but it doesn't hit the skills things too much.
The things that helped me most this season were the mini-practices we had before games and the practice on our bye week.
I did a google search a couple days ago for "lacrosse camp for adults" and only came up with one clinic running out of Tacoma, WA. I had to travel a long way from Northborough to play at Bridgewater this year, but going to Tacoma is just too much gas.
For the current crew that played this year, most of us would benefit from more practice and starting earlier in the pre-season. I have some ideas on how to do this, but I'd rather see some other ideas before I go off on my own tangent
- Mark
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